Sunday, 12 January 2014

Happy New Year!

A lot has been happening and I was trying a different eating plan which is good and it was good for my loo stops...TMI :( but I just can't keep away from trying to be raw, so here I am again! :)

Okay then, I turned 48 years old last week and also last week I was told that my sister-in-law died BUT! I wasn't told until nearly a week later...yep! That is what my family are like with me and I am done with the lot of them.

My mother wouldn't buy me sanitary protection when I was young, I had to pinch my sisters and then I had to ask my boyfriend for money for them...that boyfriend is now my husband of nearly 32 years.

She used to take the shower fuse out of the electrics so I had to have cold showers, and this went on for YEARS! Until I left. My siblings had hot showers. Often I would catch them in the shower with all that gorgeous steam billowing from the shower. Mother would then take the shower fuse back out and keep it in her bag.

Mother actually put padlocks on the food cupboard, fridge and freezer and said it was because I was eating 6 loaves of bread a week...I was never in and I was losing weight at the rate of knots because I was never in, I had just started going out with my boyfriend (husband) and he was more important, as they are! :) but she accused me...AGAIN!
Of course my brother had a key to the locks and my siblings were allowed to get the key from Mother. 
Who could possibly eat 6 loaves of bread a week anyway??!! When I did get in in the evening she had made the evening meal but she always ate half of what there was on my plate, so of course I was losing weight; I couldn't get into the food cupboard or fridge for breakfast, I didn't get given lunch money and she ate half my evening meal.

Mother said to me years ago after I was married, "I only come to visit you out of duty" and those are the exact words.

After I was married, when I was only 16 years old and yep! I married young and nope! I wasn't pregnant, anyway, I received a letter from the solicitor to collect my cheque for £600 for compensation for an injury I got, excited I phoned my Mother and her very words were, "Linda, you get that cheque and I want nothing more to do with you".

She walked away with a dinner service and a pressure cooker from my Wedding presents on my Wedding day.

Mother buys my siblings Christmas etc presents but not for me or my little family.

She lived 45 miles away and whenever she visited she charged me £5 for her petrol. My Dad worked away and Mother would always make sure she took the £5 visit petrol money from me when my Dad wasn't around.
These are just a few things...there are a lot more!!!!

When I told my Dad about some of these things, the way she used to treat me he was furious. When all of this was going on my Dad was completely oblivious to it ALL! I never spoke to my Dad about it at the time.

My Dad phoned my hubby about a year before my Dad passed and apologised to my hubby for not knowing about this and if he had known he would have done something about it.
About a year before my Dad passed away was when I told my Dad about these things.

My siblings go to London to watch shows and stay in a hotel and don't invite me.
My siblings and their husbands all go on holidays together, BBQ's together, parties etc and never invite me or mine.

My Mother re-married and told me and my hubby to wait at her house rather than us go to her Wedding. Mother accused me of going through her private papers, I just WOULDN'T DO THAT! But to be accused :(

A few months ago Mother was talking about a kitchen fire we had when I was little, I asked how it started and she replied, "I'm not sure, I think it was you who started it!" and then her husband chipped in and said, "just blame, Linda" ....AMAZING!

I had a pulmonary embolism when I was 24 years old and when one of my Aunts (who took my gran to the hospital) walked in she said, "I don't know why everyone is sad, none of us like her"......shocking! Isn't that awful?
My sister told me about this when I was finally awake but still in intensive care because my sister was in the waiting room when my Aunt walked in and said that....amazing what some folk are like. I was clinically dead when I had the pulmonary embolism and that is what folk say....NOICE!!
Mother came into the intensive care room and all I could hear was her moaning on about her about blood boiling, I was ready to try and shout, "someone get her Out OF HERE!!"

The recent is my brothers wife falling ill on the 1st January but I get told about it on the 5th January, nearly a week later and it was my sister that told me and she said, "I just want to keep you in the loop, Linda but"....) and those were her very words and she kept saying, keeping me in the I was some work colleague.
Mother finally rang me to tell me about it on the 6th January....who am I?!?!?! Just someone they know!!! And this has finally made me accept it.
I love to bury my head in the sand and not accept things but I am on my way to 50 years old when am I going to realise if I don't accept it now BEFORE I am 50?!

There is loads more but I wouldn't have the space on blogger to list it all.
My husband calls me, Mushroom...he said because I am kept in the dark and fed with shite....sorry about the swear word!!

I truly don't know why they are all like that with me but I am not a glutton for punishment anymore as Mother once told me, "Linda, you are a glutton for punishment"......ummmm

Nighty Night.



Serenity Love Sincere Peace Earth said...

Your post touched me. I am also the Black sheep of my family and was marginalized by these people. I rarely speak to any of them and have shown them my ability to cut them off while being happy and thriving. Leave these people alone! And don't feel any way about them. Don't listen to people who have functional families who cannot imagine mistreatment at your family's hands.

Raw Bluebells said...

Thankyou for your lovely comment! You are SOO right!! There was a time when I didn't have anything to do with any of them and I was at my happiest. They judge and criticize me and then I am left judging myself.
I have now cut off from them and I want to keep myself to myself, I know I will be happier, I don't need their negativity in my, my Husband and our sons lives, we are worth more than that and that is what I keep telling myself!!
I am done with them all!!
Hugs xo

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